Happy President’s Day! Celebrity-tested prize

REMINDER: Today is the last day you can try for Becky Garrison’s autographed book in the caption contest. Have fun with that! click here.

Today we honor Presidents. Back in the beginning of this country, it was probably a kind of popularity contest to get the gig, based on merit. Of course NOW, even trying for the job takes on the over-exposure, and preening, and shallow sensationalism of pop celebrity allure and lifestyle. These people bombard us with constant airtime.

When I found THIS prize. I had to get it for my loyal fans. Why? Because it’s so stinkin’ hilarious, that’s why! Check out the top right corner… see what it says? “Celebrity tested!”

Celebrity Tested Lip cosmetic - A must-have prize...Right?


Is this celebrity thing important to our culture or WHAT!? SURE! Come on you peek at the tabloid headlines in the store. I do. You do. Admit it! We just get curious.

Marketers know that a lip plumper won’t sell without expert enthusiasm. Plumper endorsement by a professional is critical. And who would that be? A Celebrity! DUh! The irony isThey don’t even bother to say WHICH ONE! How funny is that?

Is it Megan Fox? Sarah Palin? Sandra Bernhard? Is it Melanie Griffith? It’s probably important that they tell us. What if we don’t like that celeb? Or is it that all of them just somehow know better? This product just cracked me up.

To be awarded this conversation piece, funny gift, or helpful and star-tested lip balm, leave a comment about what lips, or lipstick means to you. (An arbitrary judge will pick one winner.) Yes, this requirement makes little sense, but then, so does the prize, and so does celebrity President status. Happy President’s Day!


3 responses to “Happy President’s Day! Celebrity-tested prize

  1. If my lips ever left my mouth,
    Packed a bag and headed south,
    That’d be too bad, I’d be so sad.

    If my lips said “Adios,
    I don’t like you, I think you’re gross.”
    That’d be too bad, I might get mad.

    If my lips moved to Duluth
    Left a mess and took my tooth.
    That’d be too bad, I’d call my Dad.

    That’d be too bad, I’d be so sad.
    I might get mad, I call my Dad.
    That’d be too bad.

    When I was just two years old,
    I left my lips out in the cold.
    And they turned blue,
    What could I do?

    On the day I got my tooth,
    I had to kiss my Great Aunt Ruth.
    She had a beard and it felt weird.

    Ten days after I turned 8,
    Got my lips stuck in a gate
    My friends all laughed.

    And I just stood there until the fire department came and broke the lock with a crowbar and I had to spend the next six weeks in lip rehab with this kid named Oscar who got stung by a bee right on the lip and we couldn’t even talk to each other until the fifth week because both our lips were so swollen and when he did start speaking
    he just spoke polish and I only knew like three words in polish except now I know four because Oscar taught me the
    word for lip, “Usta”.

    They turned blue, what could I do?
    She had a beard, and it felt weird.
    My friends all laughed, usta.

    I love my lips!

  2. Have I ever told you how I feel about my nose?