Tag Archives: funny

Things you see at Christmas: Irony

How about some feedback?! 馃檪


 

 

Yet, she's still smiling. Maybe this is an irony I can embrace.

Wacky Wednesday. No coffee? (This could be you) Caption Please.

Wacky Wednesday is the alternative to Jon Acuff’s Serious Wednesday. It’s meant to be the opposite of Jon’s SCL posts, because some of us need that humor boost, midweek.

I don’t know the story here. There is a distinct possibility that this man, in a deparate attempt to get his monring brew, threw on his sister’s clothes and made a mad dash to Starbucks. Maybe the long line did him in. I don’t see anybody helping him, but I think he needs a caffeine IV drip. Stat!

What’s your take? What happened just before this photo was taken?
Give us a good caption for this scene.

HAVE A GREAT WEDNESDAY.

What happened? Give this a CAPTION!

 

 

Need one more humor boost? Warning for parents. This one is PG 13, but imagine getting your teen聽this for Christmas, and forcing them to wear it to school? (What were they thinking?) ahhhhh!

X-<

7 DAY-AFTER-THANKSGIVING IDEAS. enjoy

Sorry, Tom.

So, Feasting Day is over. We’ve been thinking about thankfulness. We’ve been enjoying goodies, and visiting, and football (if the cable isn’t out, that is. grr).

But here, like the turkey, are some leftover thanksgiving jokes and ideas to brighten your Black Friday post Thanksgiving Holiday. (I call it BED Friday, because I’ll skip shopping for a nap ANY DAY, and especially today!)

DAY AFTER THANKSGIVING BRIGHT IDEAS!

1. If the stuffing didn’t go over well, lace it with Prozac, reheat, sprinkle with cinnamon, and serve warm.

2. Dry turkey this year? No problem. Toast it in the oven, and use it for packing material when you send out your Christmas packages.

3. I’ve heard that leftover turkey sandwiches go down much better with 2 glasses of hard apple cider. Who knew?

4. If you don’t think YAMS are yummy, add more brown sugar. Still no good? Add mini marshmallows. It’s perfectly legit. What’s not to like?

5. Roll unwanted mashed potatoes into baseball shapes, freeze, and throw them at people in those long Black Friday holiday shopping lines. It spices things up. (Personally, I wouldn’t know. I’m in bed on Black Friday more than I shop, but good luck!)

6. If the cable goes out for 3 days, try not to panic. [I’ve said this to myself about 83 times in the last two days.] Just think of it as a way to use up the extra Benadryl in your mom’s house. Broken cable brings on childhood congestion, right?

7. In a pinch, cranberry sauce makes great fake blood. Put 1-2 cups in the bathtub, add warm water, get in, and just start screaming your head off until someone finds you. (It’s sort of an April Fools meets Halloween meets Turkey Feast Day type of gag, to kick off the winter holiday prank season.) Let me know how it works out for you, k?

Can you think of any holiday ideas?

Whacky Wednesday. Groovy Girls of Faith: OTHER Stuff Christians Like

Hi. Welcome.
If you’re here to get your Wednesday funny fix, because Jon Acuff is serious on Wednesdays, thank you for stopping by. Everybody else, I think you’re pretty great too.

hint. I’m now plugging shame-free for this entire paragraph. If you click the Alluring Button (on the top left) you won’t miss anything funny on Wednesday鈥搘hen you need it most. No funny from Jon on Wednesdays threw me into early onset seasonal depression this year. You too? I feel your pain. So, these Wednesday posts are really just my way to survive. Enjoy.

EXHIBIT A:聽The Faith Tones.
Bad girls of 1960s Christian Music. Y or N? You decide.

Singing hairdressers for Jesus?

10 Things I LOVE about this album cover:

1. Big 60s hair. The higher the groovier, baby!

2. Healthy (I guess) round faces, like the Campbell’s Soup Kids.

3. Prophetic sense of bowling shirt fashion (as seen below with Lavern and Shirley). (Also could be hairdressing attire. Your guess?).

Lavern and Shirley, behind the times in fashion, compared with the Faith Tones

4. Subtle use of colorful, patterned or floral fashion, 60s hip blouses (under the matching uniform shirt) that says to the cool kids, “We know how to have fun…the way Jesus wants us to.”

5. Good vintage example of how you could be a Christian singer and still have crooked or subpar teeth. (Seriously. I defy you to spot a Christian album cover with an unattractive or crooked-toothed girl on it now, or for the last 20 years.)

6. Almost daring use of the album title, “Jesus Use Me,” and maybe just a hint of double entendr茅 to spice it up for the Christian male audience. The 1960s were a time of sexual experimentation. Not so much in the Christian sphere, but a “clever” or edgy title couldn’t hurt sales. (Remember Stryper, “To Hell with the Devil”?)聽What do you think, was it purposeful, or just piety shinning through?

7. Girls use high tech (for the time) Stereo enhancement for our listening pleasure. Rock it, out, ladies.

8. The middle girl looks like she knows how to party. Whoot.

9. A vintage reminder that Aqua Net (not flower children) is what held the 1960s together.

BEEHIVE IT, BABY!

10. This shows us that 50 years ago, much like today,聽music ministry tries too hard, but鈥搒ometimes鈥搃n a lovable sort of way.

Do you dig this photo?
ANYBODY have audio sample of the faith tones? Please, please, hook me up!
I’d like to hear them.
Golly, I sense some boss three-part harmony a-comin’!

Harvest Dance and Veterans Day MASHUP

Harvest Dance and Veterans Day MASHUP

Happy Veterans Day. To those serving and who have served, I thank you. You have my loyalty, because we have had yours. What you have sacrificed means so much.

This was me and my date, in high school, at a聽dance (that was -obviously- held on Veterans Day). I was really patriotic (perhaps in a bad way) in the 1980s, and I’ve since been put on medication.

Ya like, it?

USA! USA! USA!

 

 

Humor Site Premiers

Triple Dog Dare is the humor portion of my writing.

This page may give opportunity to divert there, if the post is recent and fairly funny, witty, ironic, or silly. There will be games, riddles, dares, polls, and prizes.

I hope you enjoy it. Tell me what you think about the first post/game. Thanks.

Yes, I have a fan page.

Welcome Schuylkill & Berks News readers (SBN-聽Facebook link). (Related to my column: If you have good traveling tips, please leave them in the comments section.)

Some of you have been wondering if you can “LIKE” me.

This is perfectly understandable.

You have a battle raging within…or maybe you don’t know what I’m talking about…or both…

Um. So.

We all like to be well-liked, but in this case, if you haven’t figured, I’m speaking about Facebook. It’s a so-called fan page. Even though I’m not my biggest fan, in a desperate attempt at self-actualization, I created my own fan page. Pathetic. I know. But wait.

If I could have changed the name to “Fun page” I would have. It’s really all Facebook’s fault. It’s not vanity. You would do the same thing, if you were backed into a corner. And聽what a corner…

What if, you’re Not on Facebook?
very bad. Your punishment is to leave a comment explaining why. 馃檪

OKAY! I just snapped, a little. Sorry ’bout that. (See why spiritual practices are indispensable? Imagine if I didn’t do them. Yes. We’d all be sorry.) Um. Yes. Where were we?

Right. The Page Facebook page called “Triple Dog Dare” is my way to connect with friends, fans, and the random person who likes to read something humorous.

(Image yourself holding a full pail of funny…See, you’ll love it.)

Click a photo below to get there; and remember, I love you, more than cheddar cheese, despite its power, and I mean that!

If you “Like” and “Share” to your FB page, I’ll leave you a witty quip on your Wall, and you’ll actually like it, (Help me know who you are, and/or confirm you did this, right here, or on my Facebook wall).

Happy Autumn, ya’ll.

-Lisa

[Did you know] Mark Driscoll is Gay?

macho man: Mark Driscoll (in a flattering blouse)

Mark Driscoll is gay? Don’t kill the messenger…I didn’t come up with this.

You can find a pretty solid case here, compiled from his friend Don Miller, who鈥搚ears ago鈥揷oined him, “the cussing pastor” in his best-selling book Blue Like Jazz. (When I say “case”…I mean Donald seems to describe Driscoll, in embarrassing detail, right along with [other] male leaders with gay scandals. Maybe it’s a connect-the-dots, or connect the nipples kind of thing.)

Another person to recently point out Mark’s hyper (and suspicious) masculinity, is Brett McCracken, within the pages of his new book Hipster Christianity, (pages 103-105.) Get a free copy here.

AND-gosh-don’t get me started on John Eldredge!

Over-compensate much, Mark?

  • “There is a strong drift toward the hard theological left. Some emergent types [want] to recast Jesus as a limp-wrist hippie in a dress with a lot of product in His hair, who drank decaf and made pithy Zen statements about life while shopping for the perfect pair of shoes. In Revelation, Jesus is a prize fighter with a tattoo down His leg, a sword in His hand and the commitment to make someone bleed. That is a guy I can worship. I cannot worship the hippie, diaper, halo Christ because I cannot worship a guy I can beat up.” –Mark Driscoll [4]
    (There’s a common theme of guy-on-guy fights/violence with Driscoll. You may remember he showed, the hot and sweaty brawl movie “Fight Club” as an official church event. Hum.)

Mark Driscoll's Jesus: Tough and Buff.

Mark, if you’re reading this, you can stop over-doing it to throw us off track. Don and I both realize you’ve painted yourself into a corner, Mark. The gig is up, dude.

(A bit like gay twins?) Driscoll and Gay WWF wrestler "Giant Gonzales"

Nevertheless. IF Driscoll was gay, we would love him anyway. Right, everyone?

(If you support Mark, no matter what, click the share button at the bottom. If you’re not a fan, um. do the same thing. If you think Mark could NOT be gay, click the share button鈥揟wice.)

And, Don, thanks for bringing up the issue. Where would we be without you? Just in IgnorantVille, I guess.

As a reader, what do you think? There’s a punchline in here somewhere. Can you spot it?

Is Mark Driscoll too overtly macho, and (like recent pastors caught in self-created sexual hypocrisy -Eddie Long and Ted Haggard), too anti-gay to be straight?

Am I joking about Driscoll? Sure. I’m a humorist. (See subheading of this blog.) Despite loads of circumstantial evidence, and the writing stylings of Don Miller, Mark’s certain proclivity could remain a mystery, much like Theodicy, or atonement theories. This is all probably just a loooong series of coincidences. If Mark is gay, or tempted with homosexual thoughts or feelings, I’m sure we could trust that he’d just open up and tell us鈥搒traight out. Um. I mean, well, you know. Right? Right?

馃檪

15 jokes about Lady’s Gaga’s meat dress.

Now, I realize joking about a meat dress is fairly easy. But, essentially she drew first blood, so I think she completely expects the wisecracks, even if they get a little raw.

Lady Gaga as fresh meat at the VMA's

So, I’m going to up the ante. 15 聽jokes, right off the top of my head, (I’ll update with better ones, should I think them up.) Tell me which you like the best, or submit one of your own.

1. If she fails down, she’ll be nothing but hamburger.

2. Obviously the VMA’s don’t lack protein now, and that’s a relief.

3. Strangely she looked less like meat in her beef dress than she did in her trashy Bad Romance video.

4. Just like Cinderella, it’ll all go bad by midnight.

5. Maybe Gaga made this dress聽solely to torture dogs.

6. Never tell Gaga to bring an entr茅e to your BBQ.

7. If I wore something like this, I’d get grilled.

8. You think this dress is bad, wait until she comes out with eyewear.

9. Gaga’s outfit normally sells for $13.98…. a pound.

10. If she wears this to India, she’ll be dressed in someone’s relative鈥搕hen, you guess it, a public relations nightmare.

11. Why on earth didn’t her steak hat have a garnish? What a Philistine!

12. For Hannibal Lector, that dress would be the appetizer, and she’d be the main course. I’m not sure about dessert, probably ice cream.

13. Thank God she didn’t marinate.

14. Gaga is officially rare.

15. People screamed, “Gaga, well done!” But she didn’t realize they were actually petitioning her.

Bonus:

Gaga can easily feed a party of 6.

Dog walkers, this is a fashion don’t.

Thanks, Gaga! You just decided what 1.2 million ppl will wear for Halloween.

Hipster Pundit, Brett McCracken Responds to 5 cool questions

Here is the much-anticipated interview with Brett McCracken, author of Hipster Christianity: When Church and Cool Collide. Thank you, Brett! This was fun.

Brett's face in the City

5 Questions for
Brett McCracken


1. Does the hipster Christian phenomenon pivot on the “Be in the world, but not of the World” Scriptural directive?
I think the hipster Christianity phenomenon is absolutely about this notion of how to be in the world but not of the world (with emphasis, perhaps, on the “being IN the world” part). Christian hipsters want, above all, to engage with the culture at large. They want to have a meaningful dialogue and cooperation with the wider world, rather than being cut-off or segregated from it. Rather than having a Christian music industry, a Christian movie industry, Christian this-that-and-the-other, these Christian hipsters long for a faith that is relevant in and among the culture. They don’t want to be set in opposition to the culture, but rather they want to be productively engaged with it. Their instincts tell them that if Christianity is true, it is not something meant to be separatist, overly legalistic, and anti-everything. Rather, it should be something that speaks into every aspect of life and illuminates the beauty and wonder of existence. They resonate with the famous C.S. Lewis quote that says, I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen. Not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else.

2. If you could communicate one thing to your readers that they would remember forever (and in so doing, change them forever), what would it be?

Wow, that’s a big question! I guess I would want to communicate the notion that the “coolest” thing about Christianity has little to do with how trendy, cutting-edge, and “of the moment” it appears to the culture, but has everything to do with the transcendent truth of a Gospel that changes lives.

3.聽Every writer has “haters”, what do yours complain about? (Mine complain about nipples, but that’s a rather long story, and this interview is about YOU.)
A lot of the critics of the book suggest that I’m not giving enough due to the cultural context and “mode-of-delivery” through which the Gospel is communicated. They maintain, rightly, that the Gospel always has to be presented in ways that are embodied, formed, packaged, and specific to the context/audience in which it is being presented. I totally agree. I’m not suggesting that the Gospel is just some nebulous cloud of ideas or concepts that we can communicate apart from form. Of course we have to consider the medium, the context, etc. All I am saying is that form influences content, and we have to be careful that the various new strategies we are undertaking (placing tons of emphasis on looking cool, cutting-edge technology, etc) are not negatively impacting the content of the message or distracting us from making sure we are communicating a deep, rich, transformative message. At it’s core, my caution in the book is that we not get so preoccupied with hip/cool/attractive packaging that we forget what is actually rich and powerful about the message itself.

4. To you, is “cool” more of a state of mind than anything? Why or why not?

Hmm, that’s an interesting question, because I think it is and it isn’t a state of mind. In the sense that the pursuit of “cool” is very self-conscious and a sort of existential endeavor to be “in the know,” I definitely think it is a state of mind. But then again I think that there are plenty of “naturally cool” people who never really think about or try to be cool. It’s not something they consciously strive for as much as it is just a side-effect of them truly liking certain bits of culture that happen to be fashionable or appear cool in a given cultural context.

These days, it’s hard to tell where “cool as a self-conscious state-of-mind” ends and “cool as a natural outgrowth of who one is” begins. The problem is complicated by the fact that cool today (as in, “hipster” cool) is largely defined on the superficial “how one dresses” level, so you have “true” hipsters who dress in a certain way but then you have the “I want to be cool” hipsters who can simply purchase the exact same look at American Apparel or Urban Outfitters. On a phenomenological level, there is no difference between the two. Both types signify “cool,” which we take to mean “elitist/snobby/annoying.” So whether one actually IS elitist/snobby/annoying doesn’t matter, because “the look” communicates this regardless.

5.聽Have you ever considered offering McDonalds a signature menu item? (For instance, like the McCracken Sandwich: 8 crispy strips of bacon, melted sharp cheddar cheese, and sweet horseradish sauce on crispy, lightly toasted Sourdough bread pocket.) [Seriously, that whole thing came to me in one package like that. It must be a God thing.] If you have not, this could plague your mind, and I’m sorry about that. I too am feeling hungry.

If I were to have a McDonalds signature item, it would probably include arugula, grass-fed beef and raw goat cheese, just to cover my hipster bases.

For a signed copy (For beginners, that means eXtra cool) of Brett McCracken’s book, Hipster Christianity: When Church and Cool Collide. You can link over, and leave YOUR comment. YOU might be the lucky winner.

Post here and share any questions, thoughts, comments, etc.

Thanks for reading.