Tag Archives: joke

Harvest Dance and Veterans Day MASHUP

Harvest Dance and Veterans Day MASHUP

Happy Veterans Day. To those serving and who have served, I thank you. You have my loyalty, because we have had yours. What you have sacrificed means so much.

This was me and my date, in high school, at a dance (that was -obviously- held on Veterans Day). I was really patriotic (perhaps in a bad way) in the 1980s, and I’ve since been put on medication.

Ya like, it?

USA! USA! USA!

 

 

World’s Biggest Fibber Dentist

This dentist seems to have had a break from reality, OR maybe this is actually some kind of play on words for a vampire massage parlor?
Thoughts or comments?

A Call from Nazareth swim coach-


Recent discovery of transcripts of a little-known telephone conversation with Mary of Nazareth show why Jesus never had a varsity letter in sports.

(Transcribed while Mary was chattin’ on her celly.)

Hello, yes this is Mary.

I was wondering if I would hear from you.

Yes, I understand Jesus doesn’t have his permission slip to be on the Swim Team.

Yes, I realize he needs one before 6 p.m. today, but I don’t agree with him being on the team.

Well, because he doesn’t even know how to swim, and….

Yes, well, I understand that he walks on water just fine, or skims, whatever, but that’s not really the same thing. Actual swimming is done quite differently. It seems like an unfair advantage…

Yes, it’s surprising. He’s been quite an interesting child.

What? Well, yes, he’s small and short. He takes after me, not his “father” on that. Genetics are a funny thing.

I realize the chances for winning the Galilee-wide championships are on the line, but our family won’t be going around all high and mighty.

Why don’t we let use his gifts? Well, there’s a spiritual side to Jesus that you might not understand. He’s um… different.

Yes…..Explain Different? Oh, God. How can I explain this? I’m not sure I can explain, Coach Josiah, but I’ve been treasuring all of those things in my heart for now.

Thank you, yes, Coach. Thanks for understanding. Actually, it would be hard for him to make the meets; he has his hands full multiplying…I mean, making food for the prom committee. (They asked him to help because their budget is really low this year.)

No, he’s not much of a cook, per se, but he manages alright. I’m sure everyone will have plenty to eat.

No, I’m not sure if he has a date, Coach Josiah. The girls seem to love him, but he likes to keep things casual…on a friendship level. He’ll probably go stag.

Okay, thanks for calling. Good luck this season. Mazel Tov!

Happy President’s Day! Celebrity-tested prize

REMINDER: Today is the last day you can try for Becky Garrison’s autographed book in the caption contest. Have fun with that! click here.

Today we honor Presidents. Back in the beginning of this country, it was probably a kind of popularity contest to get the gig, based on merit. Of course NOW, even trying for the job takes on the over-exposure, and preening, and shallow sensationalism of pop celebrity allure and lifestyle. These people bombard us with constant airtime.

When I found THIS prize. I had to get it for my loyal fans. Why? Because it’s so stinkin’ hilarious, that’s why! Check out the top right corner… see what it says? “Celebrity tested!”

Celebrity Tested Lip cosmetic - A must-have prize...Right?

 

Is this celebrity thing important to our culture or WHAT!? SURE! Come on you peek at the tabloid headlines in the store. I do. You do. Admit it! We just get curious.

Marketers know that a lip plumper won’t sell without expert enthusiasm. Plumper endorsement by a professional is critical. And who would that be? A Celebrity! DUh! The irony isThey don’t even bother to say WHICH ONE! How funny is that?

Is it Megan Fox? Sarah Palin? Sandra Bernhard? Is it Melanie Griffith? It’s probably important that they tell us. What if we don’t like that celeb? Or is it that all of them just somehow know better? This product just cracked me up.

To be awarded this conversation piece, funny gift, or helpful and star-tested lip balm, leave a comment about what lips, or lipstick means to you. (An arbitrary judge will pick one winner.) Yes, this requirement makes little sense, but then, so does the prize, and so does celebrity President status. Happy President’s Day!